OK, CUPID is calling you to try online dating but you want to learn how to avoid the messiness of the online scammer.
Here’s how I began this exhaustive study. (Bypass this section if my personal vendetta is of absolutely no interest to you whatsoever.)
For men and women that have raised children and suddenly find themselves unattached again after decades of marriage, it is disconcerting to explore being single in a new era. Online dating was repeatedly suggested to me as a way of bypassing bars and nightclubs to locate my special BUMBLEbee while presenting my one-of-a-kind 4 leaf CLOVER characteristics in the dense pastureland of life. Rapidly, however, I found myself targeted by the online scammer.
One of my first conmen sent me a beautiful bucket list of things he wanted to enjoy with me during OUR TIME together, without realizing that certain suggestions clearly indicated it was written by a woman for a man. The scammer, however, was unfamiliar with American pop culture and therefore was unaware of his mistake.
It enraged me for the lonely, unsuspecting woman he/she had scammed previously that had written it in hope and desire while this thief, hiding behind stolen photos, seduced money from her. I began to study the devastating effects in earnest. Talking candidly about the difficulties with patients, they, in turn, began to whisper to me their own uncomfortable and embarrassing stories.
I was stunned to discover significant sums of money were successfully romanced from very intelligent, savvy people. Male or female, rich or poor, blue collar worker or white collar professional – it seemed no one from illiterate to ELITE SINGLES was immune from the scope and reach of the online scammer. So I created a profile and baited the hook for the scammer to bite. (Disclaimer: No real, American males were harmed in the making of this blogpost.)
Here is how the online liar puts the spark to the TINDER of your desire.
Both Genders
A Single Photo
I’ve successfully identified online scammers every time by a single beautiful photo. Mind you, this will be the only photo posted. Often it has a professional or studio feel to it. While not foolproof, try performing a reverse Google image search if you have suspicions. I suggest, however, rejecting any profile that has only a single photo. Remember, there are PLENTY OF FISH in the sea, and you won’t know what you’re missing if you skip the first contact with this one.
Too Good To Be True
While very handsome men and women are truly searching for love online with the rest of us mortals, if your MATCH looks too good to be true he/she probably is. I once saw a series of photos stolen from an Australian personal trainer advertising his bootcamp weekend that was quite remarkable. The above reverse Google image search revealed the sad, disappointing truth and I sent him a message alerting him via Messenger. Exercise extreme caution if you see a series of Adonis-like photos, or anyone resembling Fabio (Exercise. Get it?)
Conveniently Unavailable
In an effort to creat- eHARMONY and avoid uncomfortable requests to meet for a drink, the scammer will pretend to be out of state, in a remote area, or out of the country. They often pose as active duty military personnel and love to choose jobs as a sniper, or on undercover assignment with Special Forces. (They were particularly fond of being stationed in Syria last year for some reason, I noticed…) Sometimes they are training for 3 months to acquire a new skill. A recent phenomenon has been off-shore drilling. This profession apparently makes it unsafe for them to call you as It can trigger an explosion on the ship, making it conveniently inconvenient to have the pleasure of hearing their voice and therefore identifying them as definitely not originally from Tennessee. And don’t fall for the old “I have an accent because my mother was Scandanavian” routine. (Yep, I was told that one too.)
Profile Names
Females will often choose names that are a bit strange, like Dory, or Non-traditional spellings of typical names like Amie for Amy. Males choose names that are so common they are completely unoriginal, ie. James Smith or Jerry Jones. Occasionally they will choose 2 male first names like Ronald Arthur.
Poor Grammar
Often, the initial profile information is stolen from someone else’s profile. But you will realize quickly that English usually isn’t the scammers first language. There will be countless grammatical and punctuation errors. Far too many to be explained by pesky autocorrect.
Female Profiles
Blurry or Far Away photos
Female profiles will often use this one, although I’ve seen male profiles like this too. This will allow them to conveniently use different photos that could potentially fit whatever you might request.
Semi-nude and Suggestive Photos
Another for the female profiles, this one is to attract victims by pure carnal seduction. These profiles are often, but not always, designed to offer instant access to video porn with the female presented. Sometimes, they are after a deeper cut into your wallet.
Male Profiles
Pictures with children
I suspect this is geared toward women of childbearing years that are assumed to have some money they can part. the pictures are usually cute and cuddly and look for all the world like a photographic rendition of a Norman Rockwell scene of domestic bliss. A man with children appears solid and dependable, and able to be loving.
Next time, we’ll talk about how they hook you into giving them money.
P.S. If anyone can think of a fun sentence to incorporate ZOOSK into this post, please leave me a comment. I was totally stumped.